So here I sit in the afternoon, ready to post all the deals I usually do when my daughter is napping.
And I sit here feeling so guilty because I know I’m not well enough at the moment to keep up with my normal blogging routine.
This bout of depression/anxiety has taken me by surprise and hit me like a mack truck. Plus it doesn’t help when my first course of treatment didn’t work (b/c of unbearable side effects), and its like I’m starting all over again and will still be a few weeks until I’m feeling more like myself again.
I know I’ve gotten comments from others that have been there. This is by far the toughest battle I’ve had to fight (other than when it happened right after my daughter was born, and that time was probably much worse. Well it was worse – I spent a night in the psyche ward then.)
I desperatly want to keep my life as normal as can be, which means getting up first thing, being excited about all the great deals for the day. Looking forward to my down time in the afternoon and working away and watching my blog grow and succeed. Mornings are the absolute worst, and I’m not sure how I pull myself out of bed each day and manage to take a shower.
I am trying to keep up with the blog because it helps me feel “normal.” And that I can still control something and still have something postive to look forward to.
Honestly, I’m so down that the thought of clipping a coupon sounds exhausting. Our shopping trips have been survival mode trips just to get the basics to get by.
I remember though that when I went through this the first time after my daughter was born, the one thing that distracted me and brought me joy was couponing and saving money and taking my new baby to Target to see how much I could bring home with the smallest amount spent. Then I realized that I should just start my own blog, and this truly is one thing that helped to fully pull me out of my depression – something else to focus on other than being a victim of PPD/PPA.
I don’t want to lose all of my readers during my difficult season. I want to still post great deals. I want to keep this alive, and I know it will. But reality is that things will slow down, and for that I apologize. I have many more dr. appts. to keep up with, let alone just getting through my days. My house is in utter chaos and I’ve had to learn to let go of a lot until I get better. Oh yeah, and I still have a 2 year old to take care of! (Her birthday was yesterday – and of course the mom guilt comes flooding in because I wasn’t well enough to celebrate the way I wanted to.) But don’t worry, I’m getting a lot of help from friends and family. I’m by no means trying to do this alone!
So to my faithful readers, hang in there with me. I still want to be the best Wegmans deal finder out there. I still want you to spread the news that there is a great blog out of upstate NY that covers stores that other blogs don’t.
But I’m also giving myself permission to let this slip for a little bit. I will be my normal self again. I’ve survived this once. I will survive again. It’s the time it takes that is the killer.
Keep praying for me for those of you that have. Thank you for the encouraging comments – they help make my day. 🙂