I know I’ve moaned and complained on here for 4 days now about how I have some sort of nasty virus.  I was hoping that my fever would have broken by now and I could go back to somewhat of a normal life.

So if it looks like I’ve been slacking on here again today…its because I have.  Have I mentioned yet that I HATE being sick?  Especially after a horrendous summer/fall for me??

And now the cat is meowing wanting to go out, I think my toddler daughter just woke up.  I’m hungry and nauseous at the same time ( and no, I’m NOT pregnant), and I just flat out feel like I’ve been run over.

But this too shall pass.  The doc yesterday said this was going around and fever lasts 3-4 days.  Well its day 4 fever and its TIME TO GO!

So I just woke up from a nap, after a visit from the docs.  I have a nasty virus and still feel miserable and have a fever and am still lounging on the couch.  I have my acetaminophen and ibuprofen in front of me, along with my thermometer, and box of tissues.

I want to catch up on posts today, and while my daughter sleeps, I have nothing better to do.  I just wish I felt up to it.

Right when I was feeling like life was getting back to normal for me, I had to go and get a nasty virus.  I haven’t’ even written a post catching up on all that happened to me over the summer and fall.  I was going to get to it, but I guess you’ll have to stay tuned.

Until then, I’ll drink Airborne, ginger tea, take extra vitamin C, try to eat, and tell this virus to get out!

And since it’s only me that runs the show at Happy Deal – Happy Day, when I’m down and out, so is my blog.  :(  I hate that, but I don’t have control over that right now.

Maybe finding a good deal will cheer me up…..maybe…..

Just a personal update from posts like here.

I want my blog to be my favorite “hobby” again, and to be honest, I’m not there yet.  I’m proud of myself if I get at least one post up a day.

My days are still very difficult.  I do at times see the light at the end of the tunnel.  All of the professionals involved in helping me keep telling me to be patient…HA.  Yeah…be in my shoes and try to be patient about getting better.

But fact is I’m not in control.  I have to let this anxiety/depression ride itself out, pray that God has mercy on me, and keep moving forward, no matter how painful it is.

I will be myself again someday, I keep telling myself that and deep down I know it is true.  Until then…the blog continues to barely hang in there.  To my faithful readers, thanks for being faithful and sticking it out with me during this time.  I can still all the prayers I can get.  Thank you all for the encouragement!

If you are a regular reader, then you probably read the posts here and here and how I’m in a low valley right now, trying to crawl out.

Some days are worse than others.  Most of the time, I’m suprised that I manage to even post a deal at all.  Sometimes blogging takes my mind off of what I’m going through.  Other times, it just adds to the anxiety.

It’s therapeutic for me to write about it.  So even though you just come around Happy Deal – Happy Day for just the deals, I find it helpful for myself to let my readers into a bit of my personal struggles and what I am facing.  That and to explain why I think my blog is pathetic right now and feel so bad that I’m not posting as much as I normally do, and have to let so much slip right now.

I know I’m better than I was last week.  I can see it week to week, but not day to day.  I’m not better enough though, and I want my life back.  Facing this anxiety/depression both now and after my daughter was born was the biggest and hardest battle I have ever had to face.

Some how I’m making it.  I know I’m getting better.  And I’m NOT giving up.  Keep praying for me if you are.  I need a faster recovery.  I want my blog to bring me joy again, and not just something to “kill time” while I survive my anxious afternoons.

Thanks for the support and comments and e-mails I have received so far.  I know I’m not alone, and I’ll take all the support I can get – even from strangers via the internet.  :)

If you are a regular around here, then you probably know I’m still on an uphill battle that you can read about here and here. I know I’m seeing progress, but unfortunatly, depression/anxiety doesn’t disappear too quickly, even when treated.

But you know what I’m finally ready for?  Some humor!  That’s a good sign….that does mean I’m getting better.  So if anyone cares to share a funny story, clean joke, or just something encouraging to bring on the positive energy, I’ll take it!

If you are one of my regular readers, or by chance saw this post here, you may be wondering how I’m doing.

Anyone who has experienced post partum depression/anxiety (or relapse which is what mine is), or any general depression/anxiety in general will understand.  For the rest of you, I hope you never do truly understand, because I would never want anyone to go through this.

I  think the lowest of my valley is past and I’m slowly climbing back up hill.  Others tell me I’m getting better with little improvements.  So I know I am, but I still feel SO terrible all of the time, that its hard to celebrate those victories.

My heart breaks because my blog is one of my favorite things to work on, and when depression/anxiety hits, your favorite things become meaningless.

Recovery is happening…but it is SLOW.  My husband keeps telling me that my recovery will be like an expotential graph…slow to climb in the beginning, but will quickly shoot up.  I’m waiting for the shot upward still!

Until then….I continue to manage sitting in front of my laptop when I can.  Those of you who have prayed or will pray, thank you so much.  Those of you who have been there and have survived this sort of thing, I’ll gladly take encouragment that I will and am getting better.

Until then…bear with the lack of normal amount of posts.  I’m hanging in there….and can’t wait to be my normal self again!!!

So here I sit in the afternoon, ready to post all the deals I usually do when my daughter is napping.

And I sit here feeling so guilty because I know I’m not well enough at the moment to keep up with my normal blogging routine.

This bout of depression/anxiety has taken me by surprise and hit me like a mack truck.  Plus it doesn’t help when my first course of treatment didn’t work (b/c of unbearable side effects), and its like I’m starting all over again and will still be a few weeks until I’m feeling more like myself again.

I know I’ve gotten comments from others that have been there.  This is by far the toughest battle I’ve had to fight (other than when it happened right after my daughter was born, and that time was probably much worse.  Well it was worse – I spent a night in the psyche ward then.)

I desperatly want to keep my life as normal as can be, which means getting up first thing, being excited about all the great deals for the day.  Looking forward to my down time in the afternoon and working away and watching my blog grow and succeed.  Mornings are the absolute worst, and I’m not sure how I pull myself out of bed each day and manage to take a shower.

I am trying to keep up with the blog because it helps me feel “normal.”  And that I can still control something and still have something postive to look forward to.

Honestly, I’m so down that the thought of clipping a coupon sounds exhausting.  Our shopping trips have been survival mode trips just to get the basics to get by.

I remember though that when I went through this the first time after my daughter was born, the one thing that distracted me and brought me joy was couponing and saving money and taking my new baby to Target to see how much I could bring home with the smallest amount spent.  Then I realized that I should just start my own blog, and this truly is one thing that helped to fully pull me out of my depression – something else to focus on other than being a victim of PPD/PPA.

I don’t want to lose all of my readers during my difficult season.  I want to still post great deals.  I want to keep this alive, and I know it will.  But reality is that things will slow down, and for that I apologize.  I have many more dr. appts. to keep up with, let alone just getting through my days.  My house is in utter chaos and I’ve had to learn to let go of a lot until I get better.  Oh yeah, and I still have a 2 year old to take care of!  (Her birthday was yesterday – and of course the mom guilt comes flooding in because I wasn’t well enough to celebrate the way I wanted to.)  But don’t worry, I’m getting a lot of help from friends and family.  I’m by no means trying to do this alone!

So to my faithful readers, hang in there with me.  I still want to be the best Wegmans deal finder out there.  I still want you to spread the news that there is a great blog out of upstate NY that covers stores that other blogs don’t.

But I’m also giving myself permission to let this slip for a little bit.  I will be my normal self again.  I’ve survived this once.  I will survive again.  It’s the time it takes that is the killer.

Keep praying for me for those of you that have.  Thank you for the encouraging comments – they help make my day.  :)

I know I mentioned in a post recently about a “sick day” and how I wouldn’t be posting.

I know in another giveaway post I also mentioned that I was in the middle of a post partum depression/anxiety relapse.  Well, when I was put back on meds, they didn’t agree with my digestive system and feel like I need to start all over again and recently started a new med.  I’m having more bad days than good days as of late, and feel like the blog is barely hanging in there, along with me.  I’m working with a good doctor and therapist and have a supportive husband, but its very stressful around our house as of late, especially with a 2 year old that needs a healthy mommy.

I’ll post when I can.  It sometimes helps to keep my mind off of things.  But if you don’t see a lot of deals around here lately, now you know why.  But don’t give up on Happy Deal – Happy Day!  I’m really hoping to be back into the full swing of things very very soon (as I’ve been saying that in my head for the last 6 weeks).  Those of you who left comments from the sick day post and said you were praying, I appreciate it.  Keep it up!  I need it!